Be a Better Client, Not a Better Prosecutor

I spent years on the builder's side of custom homes. The jobs that went well weren't the ones with the best contracts or the toughest clients. They were the ones where the client understood they were part of the team, and did their part of the work as carefully as they expected everyone else to do theirs.

A lot of advice for people building a house is about protecting yourself from your builder. Some of that is worth knowing, and much of what I write here is about reading bids and contracts closely. But once you've signed, the goal changes. You're not building a case. You're building a house, with people you chose. Here's what I've seen make the difference from the client's chair.

Make your selections on time

This is the big one. Tile, plumbing fixtures, cabinets, lighting, and appliances all have to be chosen before they can be ordered, and ordered before they can be installed. Many of them take weeks or months to arrive.

When a selection is late, the trade that needs it either waits or moves on to another job and comes back when they can. Either way, the schedule slips, and sometimes the next trade slips with it. I've watched a two-week delay on a tile decision turn into a much longer one, because the tile setter had another house lined up.

Ask your builder for a selections schedule with dates, and treat those dates the way you'd want them to treat their own. If you're not going to make a date, say so early. That gives everyone time to work around it. See Make your selections before you bid for how to get ahead of this.

Put requests in writing, and get them priced

"Can we move that outlet?" on a site walk feels like a small thing. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it means an electrician coming back, an inspection, and a patch. Either way, the builder can't price it until they know about it, and you can't decide whether it's worth it until you see the price.

Send requests in an email, ask for a price and a schedule impact, and approve them in writing before the work happens. It's not about distrust. It's how you avoid finding forty small surprises on the final bill that nobody remembers agreeing to. More in Requests aren't change orders until they're priced.

Don't make deals with the subs

The framer, the electrician, and the tile setter work for your builder, not for you. When you ask a sub to change something directly, you've gone around the person responsible for coordinating the whole job, and the person whose contract covers the price.

Subs usually want to help, which makes this easy to do by accident. "Sure, we can do that" on site isn't the same as a priced change in your contract. If you agree on something with a sub, send it to your builder the same day so they can confirm it. See Don't make deals with the subs.

Keep a record, not a scorecard

A written record of decisions, change orders, and selections is one of the best things you can keep. It settles memory questions before they turn into arguments, and it helps your builder as much as it helps you.

A scorecard is different. It's a list of every mistake, kept to be used later. Builders can feel the difference, and so can their crews. Write down what was decided and when. Leave out the commentary.

Ask questions that can be answered

"Why is this so expensive?" is hard to answer well. "The contract says change orders carry a 15% markup, and this one shows 20%. Can you walk me through it?" is easy to answer, and it usually gets fixed in one email. (Numbers illustrative.)

Start from the documents: the contract, the change order, the draw request, the allowance. Questions that point to something specific get specific answers. Questions that come from frustration get defensive ones.

Read the draw before you pay it

Every draw request is a chance to check that the money and the work line up. Read it, compare it to the payment schedule and the change orders you've approved, and ask about anything that doesn't match. Then pay on time.

Both halves matter. Paying without reading it isn't careful. Holding a payment without saying why isn't fair. A builder who gets paid on time for work that's in place can pay their subs on time, and subs remember which jobs pay.

Own your part of the schedule

When a job runs long, it's natural to look at the builder first. Sometimes that's right. But late selections and mid-job changes add time too, and those are on the client's side of the ledger. Being honest about that, out loud, buys a lot of goodwill when you need to raise something that really isn't on you. See Where schedule slip comes from.

Say what's going well

Crews hear about problems constantly. They rarely hear that the stone work on the fireplace looks great or that the trim carpenter's mitered corners are the cleanest you've seen. Say it, to the builder and to the people who did the work. It costs nothing, and it changes how the next hard conversation goes.

None of this means letting things slide. Ask every question you need to ask. Check every number. Just do it as someone who wants the same outcome the builder wants, because you do.

Questions worth asking

• Can we set up a selections schedule with dates for every decision I owe you?
• How do you want requests sent, and how quickly can you price them?
• What's the best way to pass along something I talked about with a sub?
• How often should we meet, and who takes notes?
• What can I do on my side to help the schedule hold?